Anxiety’s Antidote: The Healing Power of Exposure

If you’ve ever felt anxious, you’re probably familiar with the instinct to avoid whatever triggered that feeling in the first place. It seems logical that if you stay far away from the person, place, or thing that ignited your anxiety, then you won’t have to feel it, right?

Unfortunately, this couldn't be further from the truth. Avoidance may provide temporary relief, but it reinforces the idea that there is something to fear, ultimately making our anxiety grow stronger over time. That’s why one of the main go-to strategies in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for anxiety is “exposure therapy.”

When we expose ourselves to situations that make us anxious, we create an opportunity to recognize our own capacity and strength to cope with whatever it is we’re facing.

Anxiety convinces us there’s a threat even when there’s no real evidence to back it up. It FEELS real, so we trust that anxiety has our best interest in mind by keeping us away from whatever causes discomfort. But what if avoiding our fears actually makes them worse?

Let me paint you a picture of what I mean by this:

Imagine you’re in grade 1, starting at a new school. Right away, you find it tough to make friends. You try hanging out with different groups, but for one reason or another, you’re pushed away. One group says you’re too loud; another doesn’t like your hobbies (they’re into sports, and you love to paint).

Over time, you start to learn that being loud or having different interests can be “dangerous.” It leads to exclusion, and as social beings, we CRAVE belonging with every fiber of our being. So, you begin compiling a mental list of what is “acceptable” behaviour, carefully curating a more palatable version of yourself year after year.

By the time high school comes around, the stakes are even higher. It no longer feels safe to be yourself at all. You keep the things you enjoy — and the activities that energize you — hidden because they don’t fit the social “rules” you’ve learned to follow. You become a master at playing the part.

Fast forward to adulthood. You’re in the working world now, chatting with a co-worker who mentions their love for painting. For a moment, you’re excited to share that you too love painting, but something stops you. It might not even be a conscious thought, but a part of you (the inner child who remembers those early rejections) is reluctant to share something that was once not accepted. You’ve learned that expressing your true self can lead to exclusion, so you hold back, even when it’s safe to be seen.

Here’s the thing: Every time we allow ourselves to show up authentically, even when it feels risky, we diminish the power and hold anxiety has on us. We prove to ourselves that it’s not only okay, but actually freeing, to face our fears because in doing so, we discover that we will still be okay. That we’ll survive it.

I once heard a saying (and of course, I can’t remember who said it now) that goes something like this: we spend the first half of our lives trying to fit in and be what others expect, only to spend the second half peeling away those layers to rediscover our true selves.

At some point in adulthood, we grow tired of playing a role that isn’t truly ours. The facade starts to crack, piece by piece. Gently, in safe spaces, we begin to expose the parts of ourselves we learned to hide away in order to be accepted. It’s in these moments of exposure that we find our real strength (and our “tribe”)—not in avoidance.

If anxiety urges you to stay hidden, consider this your invitation to do the opposite. Lean into exposure, even if it’s just a little at a time. Share your interests, embrace your perceived 'faults,' and show up as your authentic self. The more we face the things that make us anxious, the less control anxiety has over us.